Blame seems to be our natural reaction when shit goes wrong. It’s his fault, it’s her fault, it’s that fucking table legs fault. The truth is that people (and inanimate objects like the table leg) are going to do fucked up shit and we have to deal with it.
I learnt this this the hard way after a very painful and emotionally draining break up some time ago. After what seemed like the ‘perfect relationship’ suddenly deteriorated and vanished in to thin air like a fart in the wind, I was left dumbfounded and genuinely hurt like I’d been kicked in the balls – repeatedly.
For a good few months I felt bitter and unable to focus on anything meaningful, full of blame and disbelief that someone who I thought I knew was a completely different person. Then one day it struck me, this painful experience was literally the best thing that had happened to me in years. I realised that I alone was responsible for how I choose to deal with ‘stuff’ regardless of who’s to blame. I learnt to accept the situation and take responsibility for my life.
It was like that profound life changing moment in the movie ‘Limitless’ when he pops the magic pill that allows him to see everything. For days I let the concept of acceptance and responsibility filter through my consciousness – it was almost surreal. What happened to the feeling of betrayal? What happened to the stomach cramps that caused my loss of appetite? What happened to the misery of a painful break up? Suddenly it was all gone.
It had dawned on me that I’m the only one responsible for the shit life throws at me, even if some completely random haphazard event turns my word upside down. Blame is a useless emotion as it adds no value to my life; all it does is shift the power from internal to external.
The ability to objectify our demons is like observing ourselves in third person. It’s the ability to be conscious of our actions and the motives behind them and decide if it’s the best path for us to take. If it is, I can make the conscious decision to embrace it, if not I can cut it out. The same logic can and should be applied to all the people who inhabit my reality. If they don’t bring anything positive to the table they need to be removed or at the very least taken out of circulation so they have as little impact on my life as possible.
We bitch and complain about our partners, friends and work colleagues, maybe it’s time to take responsibility for the situation and manage it accordingly. If they continue to cause havoc in our world clearly the blame lies with us. It’s like getting mad when the fox eats the chicken; it’s in his nature, accept it. Better to change our reality than to try to change his.
Upon realising this little nugget of wisdom, I seem to have experienced a Buddha like inner peace – which is pretty fucking awesome. Everything is a lesson and everyone is a teacher whether they know it or not. Good and bad are invented concepts because what is bad today can be good tomorrow. We only believe what we believe until we believe something else.
Apparently the earth was once flat and as ridiculous as it sounds, I can assure you in years to come they’ll be laughing as us too.